No photos or nothing.

This week’s entry is going to be short and sweet, for a good visual aid, just imagine Tattoo from Fantasy Island standing in a bathtub full of sweet coconut milk and hot chocolate.

Don’t want to jinx any upcoming projects, so best just to avoid the subject altogether. Will say that later this week, say Thursday, Friday, expect another offering from the wine sitcom script. Also expect twice-weekly updates of note. Say Tuesday and Friday.

Tried to strike out to South Africa, but sought to avoid the big grape from over there: Pinotage, which is a mad-scientist hybrid of Pinot Noir and Cinsault. The evolution of the way various grapes would have tasted way back when and what they are now is a curious issue in the wine industry, especially since the advent of genetic testing.

For instance, Zinfandel has been traced to being the love child of Primitivo, the Italian grape. Merlot and Malbec are sometimes considered just about the same grape, from a DNA perspective.

Nonetheless, a good grape vine will reflect the location where it is grown, regardless of what its double helix tells you, and there should be parallels between the food, people – some say the music – and perhaps, who knows, even the architecture. However, with South Africa it’s hard to imagine a specific identity. Still can’t get my head around the concept. Wine? From Africa?

Apparently, the vineyards are among the most beautiful in the world.

The one wine sampled showed that identity point exactly. While not terribly bad, the 2005 Wolftrap is an awkward mish-mash of Syrah, Cinsault, Mourvedre and Viognier. The aroma swirls with black pepper and tastes of too much oak. It would be a challenge for any expert to taste it blind and say, “Yup, that’s a South African blend of red and white grapes.” My guess is that they would guess South Australia Shiraz. 8.2, not for flavour, but for lacking guts. Also, it’s too early for it to be on the shelves. Too tight, don’t drink before 2007. Around £7.50 at Oddbins.

The Glen Carlou, one of my favourite South African wine producers, 2004 Tortoise Hill Red is also a blend. Don’t think there is Pinot Noir, but can’t be sure. They didn’t bother putting the info on the label. It’s like the fat cats of Paarl are sitting in a smoke-filled conference room, leaning back in leather chairs, puffing on Cuban cigars, saying, “Who gives a damn what grapes are in it?”

Well, we do, and it tastes like there are about three or four varieties… most likely Syrah and Cinsault, perhaps with some Merlot and Zinfandel, for smoothness and pepper, respectively. (Upon further research, the wine is predominately Cabernet Sauvignon, 69 percent…so big miss there. Syrah is in there, but not Cinsault, at 12.5 percent. Zinfandel and Merlot are there, at nine and four percent… but the big surprise is the Portuguese bad boy Tourega Nacional fills out the rest of the bottle.) With all those grapes, it’s disappointing… and, oddly, tastes South African.

Berries, fruity, oaky, tannic and tight. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. 8.0, because I expected better. Less than £8, also at Oddbins.

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